Taking Charge

Posted on Wednesday, October 21, 2009 View Comments
Labels: Medications

Normally, I'm against the idea of antidepressants for Bipolars, but my nurse practitioner convinced me that it would be a good idea to just to use them to get over the hump of my depression. If I hadn't been having suicidal thoughts I would've argued with her, but I realize that this holiday season is going to be a tough one without my father.

She put me on Pristiq, a new antidepressant. I've been on it going on a couple of weeks now at 50mg. I still have good days and bad days. Yesterday was a bad day. I had another suicidal thought and I spilled a bottle of pills into my hand as I thought about it. I thought of my children and immediately put it away. I think I'll call her today to see if my medication can be increased. She previously said that I should notice results in a week.

I haven't had suicidal thoughts in a year. It's disconcerting, to say the least, to hear these thoughts in my head. It reminds me that the Bipolar is never far away. I may control it at times with antipsychotics and Lithium, but it's never far away. I recognized the signs of depression coming this time, but I thought that it was just the grief talking. But, when I heard and felt the suicidal thoughts I knew it was time to see my nurse practitioner. I realize that the only person who can be my own advocate is me.

About the Author: Cristina C. Fender, 34, is rapidly becoming an expert on Bipolar Disorder. She has been researching Bipolar Disorder and blogging about her own experiences for several years. At age 21 she was diagnosed with depression and saw psychiatrists for over ten years before she was correctly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I. Her vision for writing at Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar is to inform and educate the public about mental illness. Feel free to Email Cristina a comment or a question.Click here to Subscribe in a Reader.
© 2009 Cristina C. Fender