Therapy: Grieving
I had my first therapy appointment since my father died. I had to tell her what happened and relive that awful day that my father died. It was incredibly painful opening up that wound. I spent the day crying and hugging my father's robe. I kept thinking that I would do anything to have my father back in my life. I would do anything to hear his voice. I would do anything to feel his hand in mine.
I have been having suicidal thoughts. Thoughts of how I would like all this pain to end, not any plans or anything. The Pristiq isn't working yet. I have another week of being on it and if it doesn't do any better then my psychiatrist will increase the dosage.
One thing that my therapist said that really got to me was that it was okay to cry. I spent my whole life thinking that it was bad to cry because my father didn't like it when I cried. It was like a flood gate opened and all I did was cry yesterday. I miss my father so much that it physically aches my heart when I think of him. I know that I need to cry if I'm going to grieve properly, but I just hate it. It makes me feel horrible. It doesn't give me a sense of relief when I stop crying. I just continue to think about my father and memories of him.
About the Author: Cristina C. Fender, 34, is rapidly becoming an expert on Bipolar Disorder. She has been researching Bipolar Disorder and blogging about her own experiences for several years. At age 21 she was diagnosed with depression and saw psychiatrists for over ten years before she was correctly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I. Her vision for writing at Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar is to inform and educate the public about mental illness. Feel free to Email Cristina a comment or a question.Click here to Subscribe in a Reader.
© 2009 Cristina C. Fender
