Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar

The holidays can be a difficult time. All the stress of finding the perfect present, enduring larger crowds than normal, spending time with loved ones are just some of the stressors tied into the holidays.

The best way to cope is to know your limits. Here are some helpful hints to making it through the holidays:

• Keep it simple. Shop online to avoid long lines and crowds. A lot of places are offering free shipping right now. Take advantage of it and keep your stress under control by shopping at home, at your own leisure. If you're having family at your home for the holidays, make it a potluck. There's no need to stress yourself out by making the full meal. Get a pre-made turkey or ham at your local grocery store. All you have to do is heat it.
  
• Take breaks. When your family is gathered and you need a moment, escape to the bathroom. Breathe. Take your time to gather yourself. You can spend as much time as you need in the bathroom. Nobody knows what you're doing in there.
• Don't travel. If at all possible, have your holiday at your own home. You'll feel less stressed if you don't have to travel. The familiarity of your home will make you feel comforted and secure.
• Listen to music. Christmas music puts you in the mood for the holidays. I highly recommend the AOL Radio app for iPhone or iTouch. There's a good variety of music available. Everything from old childhood favorites to the classics. Music always soothes the soul.
• Turn on your Christmas lights. At night turn off all other lights in your house. Light some candles. Listen to Christmas music and focus on the soothing sounds. Sometimes one needs to relax and remember what's important in life.

The holidays don't have to be a burden. Take some time for yourself and breathe. The holidays are about family and friends and enjoying yourself. Everything else is secondary.



A girl. Exploring the world of Bipolar Disorder one day at a time. Informing and educating the public about mental illness.

About the Author. Feel free to Email Cristina a comment or a question.Share Your Own Bipolar Story. Click here to Subscribe in a Reader.

© 2009 Cristina C. Fender

Bobby Brown lied to his doctor and told him that he was Bipolar so he could get Medical Marijuana. Do most people lie about this disorder to get it,too?

I find this to be ludicrous. I think that Bobby Brown is the exception not the rule. I don't think that most people would disclose that they had Bipolar just to get marijuana. Why would anyone want to be labeled with a brand that scars your skin?

Bipolar disorder is a serious disease. It is real and it is scary. It was scary of me to admit to my doctor that I saw and heard things out of the ordinary. It was scary to admit that I had mania and depression episodes. I believe that others wouldn't want to admit the same things just to get marijuana.

I wasn't even aware that California had ruled that Bipolars could even get a prescription for Medical Marijuana. There is a pill form called Marinol that's available in some states. Currently only Canada, the UK, and Spain have stronger cannabis based treatments. And it's only recommended for depression. It can send some patients into mania.

I hope Bobby Brown's ill conceived attempt to get Medical Marijuana failed. There are so many of us out there that truly need the help.

About the Author: Cristina C. Fender, 34, is rapidly becoming an expert on Bipolar Disorder. She has been researching Bipolar Disorder and blogging about her own experiences for several years. At age 21 she was diagnosed with depression and saw psychiatrists for over ten years before she was correctly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I. Her vision for writing at Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar is to inform and educate the public about mental illness. Feel free to Email Cristina a comment or a question.Share Your Own Bipolar Story. Click here to Subscribe in a Reader.

© 2009 Cristina C. Fender

Colorado is initializing a new Mental Health Court to help keep up with mentally ill inmates. According to the Denver Post:

The need for such a court is compelling in both human and fiscal terms:

• Approximately 250,000 people with severe mental illness are in U.S. prisons and jails at any given time.

• It costs about $30,000 to keep a person in a Colorado prison for a year.

• More than 40 percent of inmates in Arapahoe and Douglas county jails need mental health services and 20 percent of those are seriously mentally ill.

• Over the last three years, Arapahoe County alone has spent $13.6 million on 574 inmates with a diagnosis of serious mental illness. It costs 38 percent more to detain a mentally ill inmate.

• While the average prisoner stays 20 days in a metro-area jail, prisoners who are mentally ill stay an average 110 to 120 days.

• The recidivism rate of mentally ill inmates is staggering, at more than 50 percent.

The process of establishing the 18th Judicial District Mental Health Court began in 2007. Funded initially by a $75,000 federal planning grant, the court is now set to begin operations with additional federal funding of $200,000.

The court expects to see 30 cases this first year. Scott Thoemke, CEO of Arapahoe/Douglas Mental Health Network, said the cases "should provide good data to show that the mental health court is less expensive than what Colorado is doing now" with the mentally ill.

Given the crisis in Colorado's budget, the staggering cost of the state's criminal justice system and the large numbers of people with mental illness in Colorado jails, taxpayers should be eager to support investment in additional mental health courts.

I'm thrilled that Colorado is taking the first step in realizing that mental health plays a large role in many of their inmates rehabilitation. It's my hope that Colorado will pave the way for many of the other states. Of course, I think that Texas will be last to get on board, but at least there's hope!

About the Author: Cristina C. Fender, 34, is rapidly becoming an expert on Bipolar Disorder. She has been researching Bipolar Disorder and blogging about her own experiences for several years. At age 21 she was diagnosed with depression and saw psychiatrists for over ten years before she was correctly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I. Her vision for writing at Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar is to inform and educate the public about mental illness. Feel free to Email Cristina a comment or a question.Share Your Own Bipolar Story. Click here to Subscribe in a Reader.

© 2009 Cristina C. Fender

I was surfing channels a few nights ago as I watched television and came across some really invaluable motivation for my life. Dr. Wayne Dyer wrote a book entitled Excuses Begone and he has some worthwhile advice.

Every day we use excuses like I'm not good enough, I can't afford that, I'm undeserving and I can't do what I want to do. Dr. Dyer explains that these negative thoughts effect our lives in a negative manner. We really begin to believe all these excuses and don't make positive changes in our lives.

He made a good argument for those with disabilities. For example--what would happen if you didn't have Bipolar? How would you feel? You would feel free, right? Free of opression, free of the cloud that hangs over your head.

His solution is simple. Imagine now that you never had Bipolar. Imagine your life without it. Wouldn't it be joyous to feel free? Listen to that joy inside of you. Would you have a different job or a different life? Imagine what joy that would bring you!

People think of a million things in the last five minutes before sleep. Most of what we think about are problems of the day. We think about how horrible we felt when we hurt those we love the most or when one we love hurts us. We think about financial woes. We think about how we wish our lives were different.

Instead of thinking about those things try thinking about how you can achieve your bliss by thinking positively. Remember the joy you felt when you thought you were free of Bipolar? Think only of it for the last five minutes before you fall asleep. It's amazing and it works. Today I woke up with a huge smile on my face. I intend to listen to my bliss from now on!

More Information:
Dr. Wayne Dyer's Website and Blog
Excuses Begone! by Dr. Wayne Dyer

About the Author: Cristina C. Fender, 34, is rapidly becoming an expert on Bipolar Disorder. She has been researching Bipolar Disorder and blogging about her own experiences for several years. At age 21 she was diagnosed with depression and saw psychiatrists for over ten years before she was correctly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I. Her vision for writing at Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar is to inform and educate the public about mental illness. Feel free to Email Cristina a comment or a question.Click here to Subscribe in a Reader.

© 2009 Cristina C. Fender

During manic times, a bipolar tends to shop a lot. Shopping includes getting things you have little use for, but you feel you absolutely need it. Mania makes you crave a lot of things, but for me it was mostly shopping.

I bought things that I don't even remember buying. Most of the things that I bought I no longer even have. We purge our house every six months or so of things that we no longer need. The only thing that I can remember buying during one of my buying sprees are, ironically enough, my Buddha statues. All the clothing that I bought has long since been discarded.

I got high when I bought things. It would make me manically happy. I would sigh with satisfaction when I brought my shopping bags inside my house. I giddily put them away in their respective places.

Then the high would dissipate and it would be time to shop again. I shopped and shopped until I shopped myself into bankruptcy. I owed thousands of dollars and I didn't know what I had bought. I filed for bankruptcy after I learned I had Bipolar Disorder. It was a devastating blow.

Now I shop cautiously. I ask myself if I really need the item. I have a budget in mind before I shop. It's been a long road to get to where I am. If I had known sooner that my shopping was out of control due to my Bipolar Disorder I would've gotten help sooner. But, I didn't. Such is life.

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© 2009 Cristina Fender

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The taboo subject is hardly ever talked about. Sexuality is a normal part of life. Hypersexuality is ever more prominent in Bipolar Disorder. If you're in a manic state, then most of your senses are heightened including the need for sex.

Sex will be on your mind constantly and the need for sex will lead most Bipolar Disorder patients down a bad road. Inhibition fuels the fire and often times risky sex is engaged. Hypersexuality is like an itch that needs to be scratched. Patients will seek one night stands and cheat on their husbands to relieve the anxiety of hypersexuality.

Early into my 11-year voyage with bipolar, I discovered a manic phase with hypersexuality. Everything I learned regarding safe sex and the evil ways of promiscuity suddenly didn’t matter to me any more. I had thoughts that I was truly a reincarnated Adonis sent to please women. The fact that I had an irresi-stible charisma only further fed my mania. I walked away from that battle wounded with an STD (though thankfully nothing permanent). It was a wake-up call.
—Amherst, NH

Increased libido will lead to sex that can be deadly. We're in an age of sexually transmitted diseases. Hypersexuality can cause unrestrained sexual enounters. Caution is thrown to the wind and so are condoms.

Sex will be enjoyed at the height of hypersexuality. On the downhill side of it, sex will still be an increased need, but it will be difficult to find satisfaction. Frustration leads to more encounters of sex, but satisfaction will still not be found.

The best course of action to prevent or control hypersexuality is to visit your doctor and tell him about your symptom so that your mood stabilizer, like Lithium, Lamictal or Seroquel, can be increased or added to control your manic symptom.

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© 2009 Cristina Fender

AVAILABLE IN ONLINE STORE

You have high anxiety. Do you experience the kind of anxiety where it’s difficult to breathe, your throat feels constricted, and you feel like you’re going to explode any minute? You might have Bipolar.

You have anger issues. Blowing up at the drop of the hat at your kids or your spouse? Do you have road rage that seems uncontrollable? Do you feel anger a good part of your day? You might have Bipolar.

You’re promiscuous. Do you have a lot of one night stands? Do you fantasize a lot about cheating on your spouse? How many partners have you had? You might be Bipolar.

You’re in debt. Did you spend a lot of money that you don’t have on things that you didn’t need? Do you go shopping a lot to satisfy some urge you had? You might be Bipolar.

You have insomnia. Do you have a hard time going to sleep and then staying asleep? Do you wake up and you don’t feel tired? Do you go from one activity to another with increased speed without feeling tired? You might be Bipolar.

You talk fast. Do other people tell you to slow down when you’re talking? Are you hard to keep up with in conversations? Do your ideas spring forward so quickly that you feel like you must speak quickly to get them all out? You might be Bipolar.

You think you’re going to be famous. Do you often think that you’re going to be the next big thing? That everyone will know your name soon? Do you think you’re bigger than life? You might be Bipolar.

Your thoughts race. Do you quickly jump from one idea to the next? Do you lay down to sleep each night and can’t find the off switch to your mind? Are you constantly jumping from one project to another? You might be Bipolar.

You can’t get out of bed some days and mope around on the others. Do you find yourself depressed? Are you uninterested in the things that used to bring you joy? Do you find yourself nodding to the list above and to this one? You might be Bipolar.

If you said yes to many of the items on this list, you may want to go and take the Goldberg Bipolar Quiz on Psych Central.com and take a copy to your doctor.

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© 2009 Cristina Fender

No insurance? Are you paying high out of pocket expenses for mental health medications and services? Do you neglect to take your medications because you’re afraid of the bill every month?

You’re not alone. Many people pay upwards of $500 a month for services and prescriptions. This puts a huge dent in their budget. Wouldn’t you like to get medications and services for free or discounted? It’s possible. You might have to do a little paperwork to get them, but wouldn’t it be worth it?

Services are available for free from your county’s MHMR program. Google it for your area. Services include medication support and case management services. Multi-disciplinary teams provide screening, initial assessment and intake, plan of care development, medication services, casework, and case management.

Rehabilitation skills training is available at MHMR when the client and treatment team identify needed training. The services are designed to assist individuals achieve optimum levels of functioning, reduced symptoms and psychiatric hospital admissions.

You qualify for MHMR if you’re an adult with severe and persistent mental illnesses (like Bipolar Disorder) and/or a history of multiple hospitalizations or who are at high risk for hospitalization. Adults may also have a co-occurring diagnosis of mental illness, developmental disabilities and/or substance use disorders. Income guidelines may be implemented, but when I went to MHMR it was free.

Drug companies are discounting medications in several programs that are available to you. There may be income guidelines. Check each website for further information. Free medications can be found at Freemedicinefoundation.com. Discounted medications can be found at Needymeds.org. Here’s also a list I found on NAMI’s website for discounted or free medications.

Abilify	Bristol-Myers Squibb Company	800-332-2056
BuSpar	Bristol-Myers Squibb Company	800-332-2056
Celexa	Forest Pharmaceuticals, Inc.	800-851-0758
clozapine (generic)	IVAX Pharmaceuticals, Inc.	800-327-4114 x4344
Clozaril	Novartis Pharmaceuticals 800-277-2254 (main)	800-257-3273 - short term 800-277-2254 - long term
Depakote	Abbott Laboratories	800-222-6885
Desyrel (150 & 300 mg pills only)	Bristol-Myers Squibb Company	800-332-2056
Effexor	Wyeth Pharmaceuticals	800-568-9938
Geodon	Pfizer Inc.	866-706-2400
Haldol, Haldol Decanoate	Ortho-McNeil Pharmaceutical, Inc.	800-577-3788
Isoptin	Abbott Laboratories	800-222-6885
Klonopin	Roche Pharmaceuticals	800-285-4484
Lexapro	Forest Pharmaceuticals, Inc.	800-851-0758
Ludiomil	Novartis Pharmaceuticals	800-257-3273
Neurontin	Pfizer Inc.	800-707-8990
Paxil	GlaxoSmithKline	866-728-4368
Prolixin, Prolixin Decanoate	Bristol-Myers Squibb Company	800-332-2056
Prozac	Eli Lilly and Company	800-545-6962
Risperdal	Janssen Pharmaceutica	800-652-6227
Serentil	Boehringer Ingelheim Pharmaceuticals	800-556-8317
Seroquel	AstraZeneca Pharmaceuticals	800-424-3727
Tegretol	Novartis Pharmaceuticals	800-257-3273
Valium	Roche Pharmaceuticals	800-285-4484
Wellbutrin	GlaxoSmithKline	866-728-4368
Zoloft	Pfizer Inc.	800-707-8990
Zyprexa	Eli Lilly and Company	800-545-6962

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© 2009 Cristina Fender

I was thirteen when I began to crawl in my closet and sob that I wanted to die. This became a regular practice for me. I believe that this is when I should have garnered the diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder, but my parents were ignorant when it came to Mental Health disorders.

Adolescent Bipolar diagnoses are on the rise, in part to the education of many adults on the disorder. Time has brought us a new understanding of mental illness. There's much more in the news about the disorder. Celebrities have brought the issue of mental disorders to the forefront in the news. The diagnosis of Adolescent Bipolar Disorder has also be in the news thanks to the FDA hearings on the drugs Seroquel, Zyprexa and Geodon. It also has been the source of much controversy. Can adolescents even have bipolar disorder?

It's been my experience that Bipolar Disorder in Adolescents is real and documented. Unfortunately, this is not a made up disorder. It is real and in the eyes and hearts of many of our young teens. It is my hope that the further education of our adults will prevent our adolescents from having to experience suicidal thoughts and actions.

© 2009 Cristina Fender

Twenty-five percent, or one in four, of all Bipolar Disorder patients are misdiagnosed with Depression each year. It can often take ten years to be diagnosed correctly. How can you be ensured that your diagnosis is correct and timely? How can you be proactive in your own care?

1. Arm yourself with knowledge. Googling the disorder isn't a bad thing to do. You do have to take all you learn and apply it to your current symptoms. Psych Central and Health.com are good sites that list personal stories as well as articles on possible symptoms of Bipolar Disorder.
   
2. Take the online Goldberg Bipolar Screening Quiz at PsychCentral.com. I used it and took it to my doctor for further answers. It's a questionaire that details if you've been having Bipolar symptoms and whether you've been having those symptoms a lot or not at all. Symptoms such as irritability, hypersexuality, racing thoughts and fast paced speech are just a few that it documents. Answer the questions after much thought and honesty. Only then can you get a true idea of what you're experiencing.
   
3. Start a Mood Chart. Mood charts are important to present to a doctor as your symptoms will already be documented at the time of your appointment. I recommend that you take the time it will take to get into to see a psychiatrist and use that time to find out if your moods are going up and down or just down as is the case in depression. Some bipolars only go up and down seasonally, while others might have shifts in mood weekly or even daily. You can track your moods daily or bi-daily online for free at Moodtracker.com. It allows you to print out your chart so you can take it to your doctor's appointment with you.
4. Research medications. If you're diagnosed with depression, you'll need to know about antidepressants. If you have bipolar disorder, you'll need a good list of mood stabilizers and antipsychotics to take with you to your psychiatrist appointment. Your psychiatrist will prescribe medications on the spot so you'll need to be prepared with questions and opinions on your treatment options. Crazymeds.com has a good list of medications to peruse. It'll give you the benefits and side effects of many medications in laymen's terms so you'll be able to relate.
   
5. See a psychiatrist. Your primary care physician may be the first person you take your symptoms, your quiz and your mood chart to, but your primary caregiver shouldn't be the last doctor you consult. Only a trained psychiatrist can make a correct diagnosis. Make a list of your symptoms and take your quiz and present it to the psychiatrist. Your own personal findings may make the only difference in correctly diagnosing your mental health disorder.
6. Get second, third and even fourth opinions. Just because you get one diagnosis doesn't mean that it's the correct one. You can only know for sure if you get several different opinions. It'll take some time to get into psychiatrists since they often have a waiting list, but it's worth it. There's something to be said for peace of mind, and only getting many doctor's opinions will give you that.
   

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© 2009 Cristina Fender

Over 5.7 million Americans have Bipolar Disorder. If you happen to be one of them there are some facts that you need to know about remission and relapse in the disorder.

Remission, a reduced or normal distribution of mood changes, can occur in twenty percent of Bipolar Disorder patients. Remission occurs when the patient takes medication that evens out their moods. Finding the right medications can take years and once on the right medications it's possible that you will be constantly adjusting the medications to make sure they work correctly. There's a twenty percent chance that you'll be one of the patients in remission. We all hope for this chance at normality.

Unfortunately, there's a new study out that states that fifteen percent of all mental hospital readmissions are from Bipolar Disorder patients. The disorder is reoccuring in most patients. The disease doesn't get any better for some patients. They are remission resistant.

Does this have to be you? No. See your psychiatrist and your therapist regularly. Use a mood chart. Take your medications regularly. I recommend using the alarm clock on your cell phone to remind you to take your medications. You can also use Google Calendar to remind you. It will send reminders to your cell phone. Ask a family member to help you remember all your appointments if you have difficulty.

My best advice is not to give up hope. Remission could be in your future if you manage your disease like it was heart disease or diabetes. Don't let others tell you that your disorder isn't a real health problem. It's real and it's not your fault. Now it's time to take it your own life in your hands and do something about it!

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© 2009 Cristina Fender

Wow, it’s been a rough and wonderful few weeks. My article on Health.com on Life as a Bipolar Mom was featured on CNN and it got a lot of buzz. Some of it was good and some of it was bad. I didn’t figure in the stigma of Bipolar Disorder until it was too late, but I’m glad that I came out of the ‘Bipolar Closet’.

A while ago I told my family. It was difficult then, too. It was hard to have a conversation about my diagnosis by three different doctors with parents that don’t believe in mental illness. My father asked what Bipolar Disorder was about. After I told him that it’s a mental disease that alternates between the highs of mania and the lows of depression he was silent. My mother, on the other hand, gave me a load of crap on how it was just a label that the doctors were trying to place on me and I needed to ignore them. I told my best friend of over ten years and she promptly asked me questions about my medications and she’s since stated that she’s worried that I take too many of them. I told my Unitarian Universalist church group and they were supportive, mainly because many of them are educated and liberal.

There’s such a horrible stigma attached to Bipolar. It’s not enough that we have to try and live our everyday lives as normally as we possibly can. We’re bombarded in the media, too. When a celebrity comes out of the closet it is with shock and taboo. Look at the media blitz that occurred when Britney Spears was hospitalized with her disorder. Since then she’s tried to maintain a lower profile while trying to deal with her disorder and regain rights to her children. She’s proven that she, like many others with the disorder, can regain stability in her illness. This doesn’t mean that she won’t relapse. Unfortunately, it’s tougher for her becase the media will be there, too, when it happens.

I believe that it’s imperative to our journey to mental stability to come out of the closet anyway. It may be a hard road to travel, but I think it helps you grow. Hearing some ridiculous taunts and advice may be difficult to hear, but I think it helps, too. Most of the advice that I’ve received has been aimed at the medications that I take. I’ve heard everything about homeopathic remedies and that getting off my medications would be the best thing for me. While some of the advice is well intentioned, I also feel that some of it is self-serving. These people don’t know me. They don’t know what it’s like to be in my body and experience hallucinations or suicidal thoughts. They don’t know how horrible I feel when I cry that my life is not what I wanted it to be before my diagnosis. I wanted to be a writer or a lawyer. Now I feel that those dreams can’t be accomplished. These people don’t know how defeated I feel sometimes.

But when you come out of the Bipolar closet, you don’t do it for them. You do it for you. You do it to prove to yourself that you are worthy, even if they don’t agree with you. You do it to fight the stigma out there. You are a normal person, even if you’re a little tainted by a mental illness. You’re still you. You do it to educate the person standing next to you so hopefully they will learn to understand that this is a disease of the mind, not of the soul.

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© 2009 Cristina Fender

My doctor prescribed me an antidepressant for my Bipolar Disorder. That's okay, right?

Actually, antidepressants like Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Prozac or Cymbalta can make you worse. Bipolar Disorder has highs and lows. It cycles in one week, one month, or over a couple of months. While the depressive lows are to be avoided, so are antidepressants. It can make you go up and down and up and down. When you go up you'll go higher than normal and you will often have a side effect of anxiety, which is also a side effect of mania.

There are those that show a marked improvement with antidepressants, but this is not the norm. Most Bipolar patients on an antidepressant experience rapid cycling, going up and down on a consistent basis. Rapid Cycling is difficult to treat. Antidepressants can also cause a permanent issue that is hard to control. That's why antidepressants for Bipolars are discouraged.

To maintain an even keel, it is recommended that Bipolar Disorder patients take mood stabilizers such as Lamictal and Lithium. Finding the right dosage of these medications is hard work. It can take you years to find the right medication and then the right dosage.

Try not to be discouraged. The prescription medications will bring your moods close to normal or even might put them on an even keel. Remission is possible.

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© 2009 Cristina Fender