Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar

Four years ago, I developed severe anxiety and insomnia over a workplace situation and my condition escalated into Bipolar Disorder. When I accepted my diagnosis and took responsibility for my health and wellbeing, I became well. I now take a low dose of medication, more for prevention and peace of mind.

Bipolar Disorder has affected my life dramatically. For each episode, I had to take months off work to recuperate. My illness was extremely traumatic for my family especially when I became abusive, irrational and manic. I was hospitalised for over a month at a time for each episode, disrupting family life, putting pressure on family relationships.

Now my life is as normal as it can be, but I’m not the same person I was before I became ill. I’m acutely aware of what triggers a bipolar episode within me, and I now follow a wellness plan to take control to live a full and rewarding life … But if I become ill again, I will seek treatment straight away. That’s a promise!

No one has blatantly stigmatised me because of Bipolar Disorder. It’s been much more subtle ─ the bewildered expressions, the awkward silences, the non-replies to emails. Since my diagnosis, I’ve only revealed my illness to friends, family and some work colleagues. Except when I was manic, then I blurted my illness from the roof tops shouting to the world, regretting it later.

My own self-stigma or shame has kept me silent for too long. Now four years on from my first diagnosis, I’ve decided to be more open about my illness to the general public. About a month ago, I disclosed what my memoir ME AND HER was really about, firstly on Facebook and then on my website, revealing its sub-title … A Memoir of Madness. And that it’s about an illness that affects 1 in 50. My Coming Out was a gradual process, each week revealing more about my illness. The result is now I have a band of loyal supporters but a few ‘friends’ have dropped off along the way … C’est la vie!

I’m brushing up my Toastmaster skills and have written a speech titled Breaking Down the Stigma of Mental Illness, ready to present whenever I have an opportunity.

I’m finally brave enough to take a stand and Come Out. And I don’t regret it at all … I find it quite liberating.

Karen Tyrell is an Australian writer and teacher-on-leave who has written a book ME AND HER: a Memoir of Madness. It’s about her struggle and triumph over Bipolar Disorder. She blogs each week about her pro-active search for a Publisher at Karen's Blog.

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