My dad is still very sick, but...
I'm angry. My father is very sick and he's going to attempt to drive from South Texas to Ohio and Chicago. He's in no shape to drive. He's being stubborn, saying he needs to make money and the only place he can go to find work is out of state. He also has cellulitis. He had six holes surgically made in his leg so the infection could be let out. He only got out of a three week stay in the hospital two weeks ago.
He lied to me. He went to work the day he got out of the hospital. He had to go to the clinic that day because he looked pale and sick and his blood pressure was low. He refuses to tell me that he was sick. He says he was fine, but I don't think so. I have news from his wife and his sister that he is not physically able to work. He says that his work only consists of signing papers. Is this the truth? I have a hard time believing him.
He gets a biopsy done on one of his five tumors soon. I guess I'll be there for him. He says I don't support him. I think it's his response to my anger that he lies to me. I am there for him. Which of his three children call him on a regular basis to check on him? Which of his three children takes time out to visit him in the hospital? Yep, it's only me.
I can't change his attitude. I can only change mine. I don't want to be the one who stays away from him because he angers me, but right now that's all I can do. I spent yesterday in bed all day because I felt depressed and like shit. I can't let him affect me this way. Instead, I will get up, spend time with my children and carry on with my life. It's his life he's throwing away. I shouldn't throw mine away as well.
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He lied to me. He went to work the day he got out of the hospital. He had to go to the clinic that day because he looked pale and sick and his blood pressure was low. He refuses to tell me that he was sick. He says he was fine, but I don't think so. I have news from his wife and his sister that he is not physically able to work. He says that his work only consists of signing papers. Is this the truth? I have a hard time believing him.
He gets a biopsy done on one of his five tumors soon. I guess I'll be there for him. He says I don't support him. I think it's his response to my anger that he lies to me. I am there for him. Which of his three children call him on a regular basis to check on him? Which of his three children takes time out to visit him in the hospital? Yep, it's only me.
I can't change his attitude. I can only change mine. I don't want to be the one who stays away from him because he angers me, but right now that's all I can do. I spent yesterday in bed all day because I felt depressed and like shit. I can't let him affect me this way. Instead, I will get up, spend time with my children and carry on with my life. It's his life he's throwing away. I shouldn't throw mine away as well.
Addition: Sat., June 20, 2009: My Dad's back in the hospital with pneumonia. He's overdone it since he's been out of the hospital. He's gone to work when he should've been home recuperating. Now, he and all his family members have to suffer the consequences. I'm both angry and upset about all this. I can't seem to stop thinking about it. He still has to have that biopsy done on his pancreas, but I don't know when that will be since we don't know when he'll be out of the hospital. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Addition: Tues., June 23, 2009: My dad has pancreatitis. I think it has something to do with the tumor on his pancreas. He was released from the hospital and promises to stay put, at least until he goes to Ohio. He has to control his pancreatitis with his diet. I hope he behaves himself. Thanks to all the well wishers. I really appreciate all the comments and emails that I've been receiving. It's nice to know that I have good friends who care! Hopefully he'll get better soon.
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My father and I never had a very good relationship, but the whole time he was very ill it was even worse. I often wondered if his lashing out towards the end was because he was scared of dying. And you're right, you can't let him affect your life like it is...easier said than done, right?
Hugs
It is difficult dealing with a sick father, but here I am truckin' along. I will wish him well on this Father's Day, but it is with a 'sick' heart that I do so. I'm sure that this, too, will pass. Thanks for the uplifting comment!