Stigma
I, Cristina Fender, wrote an article entitled Life as a Bipolar Mom for Health.com.
Since then I’ve been receiving hate mail and comments from many people on the Internet. The forum at Digg.com has upset me greatly.
I am a good mother. I love my children. I take care of them as best as I can. I will not run away because others think that I should lock myself in a psych ward and stay there. My children and my husband treasure me as much as I do them.
What I described in my article on Health.com were the worst days of my life. Since I’ve been on Lithium and Geodon the worst days are fewer and fewer. Now I only have problems when my father is in the hospital and I feel that there is nothing I can do about it. But, I still get up in the morning, open the blinds and start my day.
I feed my child, clothe her, and play with her until it’s her naptime. Then I work on my book, answer my emails and feed my soul. Then it’s time to get my oldest daughter from school. We go outside and do sidewalk chalk. We go swimming. We go to the park.
It’s been several months since I’ve smoked pot or drank wine. I stopped taking my Prozac because I’m trying to lower my dosage on my Lithium.
I offer this not as an explanation for my article, but as an answer. If you are not bipolar you will never understand what we bipolars go through. There are some that will always see us as crazy bitches, but it is simply not true. We do the best we can with what we have.
And, more importantly, we live. Twenty percent of 5.7 million American bipolars will commit suicide in their lifetime. The rest of us still suffer. Only twenty percent of all bipolars will ever reach remission from bipolar. There are those bipolars who are lucky enough to only experience slight bipolar, called cyclomythia. Then there are Bipolar II patients who mostly experience hypomania and depression. Bipolar I’s experience psychosis and mixed states of both mania and depression.
This is a chemical imbalance. It is a real disorder and disease. It’s not made up. Who would make this up? Who would willing ask for this?
If you speak ill of the mentally ill you are contributing to the stigma that marks its cross on this disease. Instead of making fun of something you don’t understand, perhaps you should walk a mile in our shoes. Then we’ll see how your feet feel.
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© 2009 Cristina Fender
Hi, I just wanted to say that you sound like you've come so far since your article on Health.com. I totally relate to that article, it sounds a lot like me for the first couple years of my son's life. I, too, have fewer and fewer episodes, and I just wanted to congratulate you and say that I have an understanding for you. I hope you continue to stabilize and may you be one of the 20% who reaches "remission".
I admire your stand and your article, but I have to take exception to the statement that the hardest job is to be a SAHM with BP. I worked full time, managed my own BP1 and the BP1 of an adolescent boy with violent psychotic breaks - and I still realize that there are worse jobs in the world.
I have also worked for years to advocate for mentally ill children.
Other than thinking you may need to gain some perspective I admire your article. You need to have a thick skin to stand up for yourself and other people like yourself.
I read your article in the email from the Health. I think you are doing great. My son is bipolar so I am familiar with the problems and I also have some emotional problems. But I have to say this. You cannot self medicate with pot or wine(even diluted) and expect your medication to work. My son lives close to me and I see his life and take him to his drs.. He has been stable for yrs. with no manic episodes. Your dr. will not be able to get you stable if you use other things. Those cause parinoid thoughts, hullucinations and depression. It will always be a struggle for you if you don't let go of the recreational drugs. Good luck to you. I commend you for standing up for yourself and others. Lord knows that we do get discrimanated against. God Bless.
The descriptions in your article sound like some of my better days. I commend your honesty and ability to maintain yourself in the face of this terrible illness. Judging is worthless when you can't possibly relate.
I don't understand what you go through....but my mom probably has a pretty good idea! I was raised by a schizophrenic mother. Life wasn't always easy, but as you said, "She did the best she could." My mother doesn't take medications, either. When she did take them, they did help--they do work. To top it off, my mother was going through an incredibly bad episode and at the same exact time, my ex-husband's sister was diagnosed BP-Schizo-effective. She was in a mania episode when she tried to commit suicide. That year was the hardest year I'd ever had.
I admire that you are able to speak about your illness, as there are so many people out there who can't or are in denial about their illness because of the stigma that is out there. It's a very sad situation.
What you do with your medication is between you and your doctor, so don't let anyone try to tell you otherwise.
I wish you the very best. Take care!
This will hopefully be helpful for all everyone with bipolar disorder. If you are not getting relief from typical meds. look into targeted amino acid therapy. Another good source for updated treatment info. on brain disorders is Dr. D. Amens' site.
Good Luck
too have BiPolar so I can understand the depression and mania. I have three boys 19, 13, and 9. My 13 year old has ADHD and my 9 year old has Muscular Dystrophy. I was diagnosed with biPolar in 1987 following the birth of my 19 year old. The illness took me to some very dark places and at times I was unable to function especially following the birth of my youngest with special needs. But I have learned through spiritual guidance to lead a happy and productive life without Xanex (a very dangerous drug and incredibly addicting) though I still take Lexapro and Buspar. I hope you are able to feel some relief and enjoy the day to day with your children. They grow up so fast as I am reminded each day with my 19 year old a sophmore in college that you don't want to miss it being in the bed! Blessings and please check out my blog specialrunningmom@blogspot.com
I think you described the various types of Bipolar very well. I am BP II. I didn't realize so many commit suicide although I've had those feelings quite a bit.
Try not to let others bring you down hard as it may be. You know who you are and it is so hard to put yourself out here in blogland and thank god you do. I learn a lot from you.
Unfortunately the stigma is alive and well and it is very very wrong. It's a lack of understanding, fear and ignorance and my hope is one day that will change but it will be a long road until then.
Keep writing, you are an inspiration!
Your post sounds very defensive and shouldn't be. People will always judge, personally, I think we all do what we can to get by, and the fact that you have come so far, is proof that you are winning. Well done, and keep it up.
Hi, I read your article and the comments on Digg (which I couldn't help but respond to with a bit of my own anger) because regardless of whether I or anyone else liked or disliked your article there is no need to be so damn prejudice to those of use with a mental illness. I do have to say though that having BP II is hard. Sure it might be easier or at least seem easier than BP I but what I wouldn't give sometimes for more manic times than all the depression and anger that I feel nearly all day every day of my life.
Anonymous,
Thank you for your understanding and the praise. I'm sorry you can relate, but am glad that the story touched you.
Carol Ann,
It sounds like you had a tough job, raising a bipolar boy and being bipolar yourself. I find that my job is difficult, regardless of the fact that I only have to deal with me and my little ones. There are days when I do feel it's the hardest job in the world. The day I wrote the article I was under a lot of stress and I felt like it was a hard job to be a stay at home mother. Thanks for your comment.
Anonymous,
Thank you for being concerned about me. However, one to two glasses of wine does not an alcoholic make. A puff here and there of pot does not make me a druggie either. Pot is legal for medical use in certain states. I strongly feel that it will be legal for mental health soon. As a side note, I am no longer smoking. Thank you for your concern.
Whitney,
I agree that judging is worthless if you can not relate. I'm glad that you found something you could relate to as that was my intention.
Oh2btigger,
I'm sorry you've had such a hard time with your family. Thank you for understanding about my medications. There are some out there that merely think mental health patients are making it up to get drugs. Unfortunately, medications are the only way to treat mental disorders. I will continue taking my medications as I see fit. Thank you for your understanding and your comment.
Kitt,
I really don't feel that homeopathic remedies are something that can help Bipolar Disorder. I choose to take the medications prescribed by my doctor. Thanks for the comment.
PriddyMom,
Xanax can be an addicting drug for many patients. However, that is not the case here. I take it only as needed. Until a spill of akathisia overtook me last night in my sleep, I've been off the Xanax. I have not experienced withdrawal symtoms. I think that's a big sign that I was and am not addicted. Thanks for your concern and comment.
Psych Client,
Thanks for understanding! I knew my blog readers would be! It's so nice to read a comment that doesn't include you're a druggie and a fuck up!
Karen,
Thanks for the praise. It's hard to not be defensive when one hears such horrible remarks. I have remembered who I am and that's been helping. Thanks for the comment!
Emerald,
I feel your pain. It's hard to be judged. It's like being put in the spotlight with no clothes on. Bipolar is a difficult illness to live with. I wish you well and thanks for the comment.
Hi,
I am doing research for a grad paper on bpd and while surfing the internet found you. I just want to praise you for 'coming out of the bp closet' and sharing your feelings. You probably will have no idea how much good you are doing for others in dispelling the horrible stigmas that are in society. These stigmas really hinder other people with bpd to heal. I read some of the comments from your article for health.com and am just appauled by some of the ignorance. I do not have bpd, BUT my father does. Truly, if a person does not have bpd or does not have a family member with it, it takes a very wise and compassionate person to really understand the dangerous realities of this disorder and that it isn't 'made up'. I really think that a lot of the horrible social stigmas contribute to the tendency of bp clients to become 'non-compliant'. Anyways, keep up the good work. How wonderful of you to do the best to manage this disorder and chose to step outside social boundaries to help other as well.
Blessings to you
Becca
Thank you, Becca, for your kind words. It can be difficult to deal with those who think BP's are nothing but nut jobs, but if we don't stand up for ourselves, no one else will. I choose to stand up for all that can not stand up for themselves.
I just found your blog and this post really stood out to me. I'm a bipolar mom myself and like everyone, I'm not perfect. It sounds like you have made huge progress and that gives me hope that I can be better. Thanks for this blog, it is an inspiration. Also, those imbeciles over at digg are nothing to let get ya down.