Me. I get to choose. Only me.
I talked to an old friend this weekend and happened to mention my frustration with my mildly manic phase. The next day, Mother's Day, I got a phone call at 7am that she was concerned with the amount of prescription drugs I'm on. I tried to calmly state my case why I need to be on all these drugs. I didn't convince her. After we got off the phone I started to get mad. Why do I need to justify to people what I do to take care of my illness?
I think that most people have no idea what it's like to live with this illness. If they did, then there wouldn't be questions such as these. Do I like being on several meds to regulate me? Hell no! But, it's necessary. Mild phases are much preferable to extreme phases. Of course I'd rather be mildly manic than seeing things that aren't there! Oh, I wish they understood! Instead I have people who are "concerned" for me that are bullying me to get off my medications. I'm not going to do anything for anyone else. This is my body and my mind. I'm uniquely qualified to understand what's going on with me. Nobody else can do that. I've spent more time on my 'education' than even most psychiatrists.
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I think that most people have no idea what it's like to live with this illness. If they did, then there wouldn't be questions such as these. Do I like being on several meds to regulate me? Hell no! But, it's necessary. Mild phases are much preferable to extreme phases. Of course I'd rather be mildly manic than seeing things that aren't there! Oh, I wish they understood! Instead I have people who are "concerned" for me that are bullying me to get off my medications. I'm not going to do anything for anyone else. This is my body and my mind. I'm uniquely qualified to understand what's going on with me. Nobody else can do that. I've spent more time on my 'education' than even most psychiatrists.
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Hey. nice post. such a confusing illness to live with without everyone being confused around you, as if you are broken. we are better off as we are, rather than being ridiculously in the dark. knowledge is half of it. thanks for writing.
okay, did that make sense. i am not sure i can say what i mean today. just thanks. mile 191
Don't stop taking your meds no matter what anyone says. I do suggest you find a better med cocktail because what you are taking right now can't be working nearly well enough with the symptoms you are having. I've been there myself and thought, this is as good as it gets, and then my shrink would try another dose or med and it would be like, wow, this is even better. It doesn't take just any meds to feel as stable as you can be. It takes the RIGHT meds. Ask your shrink for a re-evaluation of your meds. Lamictal and Seroquel worked WONDERS for me. Here's hoping. I really feel for you.
great post. I think that unless a person has walked in the shoes of a mental illness, it is hard to comprehend what it takes to stay in recovery and make "recovery possible" as a good friend of mine calls it. I am generally speaking of course. I would suspect that if you had a "physical" illness, the number of meds you are taking would not be an issue. just remember that you do not have to justify what it takes for you to stay healthy. We need to show patience with those that insert their opinion when it is really impossible for them to comprehend our daily struggle. Otherwise, it will eat at us and become an unhealthy point of focus in our lives. Best of luck with the book and with all you do every day.