Daily Drama
No wonder I'm suicidal and depressed this time of year. Every single year we have such a hard time financially and I always feel like it's my fault. It's my fault I'm not working, it's my fault I have bipolar and all my meds cost a mint, it's my fault for anything and everything. We don't even have money to buy something for my husband this year and I feel like crap for it.
The upside is that I still have my last check coming in and it should be a good chunk of the money we need for buying Christmas presents. I have to note here that we aren't extravagant spenders. Our limit is $10 for each niece/nephew. There's just so many of them! We need to start drawing names.
Anyway, just a little piece of my world to share...
On the medication front--I've been taking my adderall for a few days now and it seems to be doing okay. I felt down yesterday due to my unfortunate circumstances, but it was great this morning. I got up, put on clothes, and exercised. I really pushed myself this morning and got all sweaty. It felt great! I'm off to do something about my appearance. Maybe even put on some makeup!
The upside is that I still have my last check coming in and it should be a good chunk of the money we need for buying Christmas presents. I have to note here that we aren't extravagant spenders. Our limit is $10 for each niece/nephew. There's just so many of them! We need to start drawing names.
Anyway, just a little piece of my world to share...
On the medication front--I've been taking my adderall for a few days now and it seems to be doing okay. I felt down yesterday due to my unfortunate circumstances, but it was great this morning. I got up, put on clothes, and exercised. I really pushed myself this morning and got all sweaty. It felt great! I'm off to do something about my appearance. Maybe even put on some makeup!
It's my fault I'm not working, it's my fault I have bipolar and all my meds cost a mint, it's my fault for anything and everything. We don't even have money to buy something for my husband this year and I feel like crap for it.
Oh how I know how you feel. I feel this way most of the time. It's a vicious cycle and the holidays just trigger the worst in my condition. Combine the holiday stress with the time change and the shorter days and I'm a mess.
Thanks for letting me know that I'm not alone. That's more helpful than I can say!
Chica
grrrr. the dreaded time of the year approaches. i deal with it by refusing to partake in the whole present thing. the more i lend myself to thinking about and buying into the whole christmas thing and associated expectations, the worse i feel.
its easy for me to do, b/c my remaining son is grown up and feels the same way about xmas as i do. also vancouver has a heavy asian influence, meaning xmas is just another day.
as for the its my fault mantra. i hear you. i know what you mean. that's precisely the attitude (on his part) that contributed to the demise of my marriage. i woke up one day and decided its crap to accept that things are my fault b/c i'm bipolar, blah blah.
know you're not alone.
cheers
I lot of people forget just how stressful this time of year, the Xmas season, can be for a lot of people. Statistically the most depressing time of the year.
You're definitely not alone with these feelings - if I could, I'd sleep through the whole Xmas season and only wake up when it's all over and done with.
Hope you feel better soon.
Scissorhands and Zathyn Priest--Thanks for not letting me think I'm alone this time of year. I'm doing better, though. I have lots to do and I figured out a plan on how to not spend so much money this year. It helps that it's sunny out still. Thanks for the comments.
Hope adderall works for you. Has saved my friend's life.