A Life Wanted
My tears dry on their own. I've spent the last few days reflecting on my life. It needs improving. Only I can do it. I spend my days doing things that don't reflect on the changes that I need.
I need to be more responsible for my life instead of waiting for it to happen to me. I need to make it happen. I need to get out of my house and into the world. I find that my days are filled with fatigue and unhappiness. I don't want this out of my life. I want sunshine and vigor.
I know that I have to be careful not to do too much or I will be stressed out and that will trigger a Bipolar episode, but I'm so tired of being careful not to upset the balance. I'm unhappy with the way my life is going, so I have to try and find a new balance.
I don't know what's right and what's real anymore. I'm always tediously balanced on the edge of my Bipolar. Would I still be unhappy even if I got out more? There's only one way to find out. I don't want to live my life worried I'll be taken over by the Bipolar Monster. I just want inner peace.
A girl. Exploring the world of Bipolar Disorder one day at a time. Informing and educating the public about mental illness.
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© 2009 Cristina C. Fender
