Manic Anger
There's yelling in my head and yelling coming out of my mouth. Everything irritates the hell out of me. A toy on the floor starts me on a day of irritations. Everything my children do and everything my husband does creates a tornado of fury. I'm in the middle of mania.
I can remember a time when I was in this mood and I had terrible road rage. I cursed everyone on the road. No blinkers, cutters and even pedestrians were not safe. I cursed the heavens and hell whenever I felt slighted. I managed to reel it in enough to not hurt anybody, but, boy, did I want to give into temptation.
When I'm manic, my family doesn't fare as well. I yell and yell. I start arguments with my husband over things he does that irritate the hell out of me. It could be something innocent like he forgot to put my clothes away after he folded them. Or I can't find a kitchen gadget because he never remembers to put them away in the same drawer. It infuriates me and, even though I try, I cannot help it when the yelling erupts from my mouth.
I feel like I'm going to explode inside if I don't let it out. My insides are churning with fire. I start feeling like I'm going to have a panic attack. After a long day of screaming out loud and in my head, my throat feels constricted. And then I feel incredibly sad. I begin to think that my disorder has ruined me. Nobody wants to be a monster.
About the Author: Cristina C. Fender, 34, is rapidly becoming an expert on Bipolar Disorder. She has been researching Bipolar Disorder and blogging about her own experiences for several years. At age 21 she was diagnosed with depression and saw psychiatrists for over ten years before she was correctly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I. Her vision for writing at Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar is to inform and educate the public about mental illness. Feel free to Email Cristina a comment or a question.Click here to Subscribe in a Reader.
© 2009 Cristina Fender
