Guest Blogger | Rachel's I was a Bipolar Stripper
Hypersexuality made me take off all my clothes for money. I worked in one of those seedy joints on the side of the road that said "Massage". I never massaged anybody, but I did put oil all over my naked body in front of clients.Eight years later I found out that I had Bipolar Disorder. It all began to finally make sense to me when I was told by my doctor that hypersexuality was a symptom.
I had always been the good girl in my group of friends. I wasn't prude, but I didn't always take off all my clothes for just anybody. Sure, I had a lot of one night stands, but I always felt guilty about it later. I tried to be a good girl, but good girls didn't do what I did.
But, when I was manic I felt guilt free. My inhibitions were almost non-existent. I had sex in a stairwell at my apartment complex. I went home with strangers when I usually was so cautious around strangers. My need for sex was so great that I ignored all the little warning sounds in my head.
One thing that I have prided myself on is that I never had sex without a condom. I always had one in my purse or insisted that the guy get one if we didn't have one. In the midst of my mania I still managed to stay sexually safe.
I may have taken off my clothes and writhed on the floor for a client, but I never let them touch me. I was there to make money. I needed the money for my extravagant lifestyle. I went out every night, drinking it up and looking for my next score. My friends were always up for a night out and so was I.
Now that I'm medicated I look back on my former life and I shake my head. It's hard to remember what I did. I try to remember that it was the disorder that made me do the things I did. That person was not me. I'm much more reserved. I know more now. I will never be the Bipolar Stripper again. Thanks to Lithium.
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Rachel,
Thank you for being brave enough to share your story with us. This is a difficult topic to talk about. Hopefully this will open doors for others to speak about their own experiences.
Best,
Cristina
Admirable bravery and strength for sharing your story. Courageous to say the least. I can't even tell my therapist some of the stuff I did. I struggle with the shame of my past actions even though I know I was sick. I am glad that you have been able to (or continue to work to) reconcile the past with the illness. Thanks.
I really appreciate that you wrote this blog. Bi Polar disorder can manifest itself in many different behaviors. A lot of people with Bi-Polar 1 diagnoses have excessive sex, abuse alcohol and other drugs and of course binge eat. I think what you wrote is both valid and very real. You would be surprised at the amount of girls I've stripped with who I think might have BPD or even have borderline personality disorder. Anyhow, I wrote a blog on therapy for strippers. You can check it out at
http://www.rachelsflorida.com
Also, Lithium is great for BPD, but it might work even better with cognitive behavioral therapy. Anyhow, thank you for sharing your story. I hope a lot of dancers read this.
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