Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar

One of my favorite things about being bipolar is when an empathy or “depression” phase finally passes and I am happy and functional again.

Today, I feel like I am back in the saddle of my life and not on impulse power only to take body through the motions of fulfilling obligations be it for social or job.

And the best part of the “depression”(I’ve currently misplaced my definition of depression in my mind, thank you for standing by while I explore my new awakenings on the subject), was that it was, I gotta say it, enjoyable.

I enjoyed my depression, so I can’t use the traditional definition any more.

Yep. I went private with my thoughts, took care of what I needed to physically, then instead of forcing myself to do or be more, I just cuddled up in whatever kind of nest or cocoon was available to me and enjoyed the food, distraction, and entertainment I could come up with(thank the distraction potato blob Gods for Netflicks Instant watch, OMG it’s AWESOME)

Anyway, where was I?

Oh yes, depressed in a cocoon, lovin it. Not all of it of course but more then I have ever enjoyed a bipolar down cycle before.

I didn’t detect any shame or judgment of me from me for not being “up” and highly connected.

I didn’t waste any energy trying to figure out why or what I did wrong this time to be so down so low for so long.

I felt completely safe. Dark thoughts yes, but comfort, calls to trusted friends, writing privately in my old fashioned paper journal, reading my favorite daily inspiration books, exercise I enjoyed when I felt like it, etc.

And when tears or overwhelm or what ever showed up, guess what???, I let it happen freely and fully for as long or short as it needed to. Sometimes I had to delay till my next break, so I could find a place(many tears have dried on my steering wheel). I also spent more time outdoors in nature then I ever have with a low, and deeply, deeply, appreciated this gift.

Did I stay in contact with everyone that I felt I had/should/supposed to? NOPE.

I just let it be, and figured when it passed I would pick up the pieces and move on. I am.

I listened and allowed, fears, insights, bugaboos, intuitions surface, be sorted out, explored, and many let go of.

Now I find myself not running from or pushing in front of me a wall of doubts.

I am grounded, assured, sorted, and much ready to tackle this New Year’s gifts.

Thank you God, for bipolar depression, and my ability to take excellent care of myself as I received the insights from a deep inward journey,

George

George Denslow, author of Living Out of Darkness: A personal journey of embracing the bipolar opportunity. Born and brewed in Alaska. Diagnosed with bipolar at 17. Discovered metaphysics while attending college, deliciously devouring life ever since.