Monsters
I saw New Moon this weekend. Bella undergoes a depression when her boyfriend leaves her. It reminded me of myself. She sat like a zombie in front of her window for months, thinking of her situation. It frightened me that I saw myself in her. When I'm in a depression I cry for a little while and the rest of the time I see the world pass me by.
It's not like I want the world to pass me by, I just feel helpless to do anything about it. My mind whirls or sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes I just want to pull the covers over my head and ignore the world. I feel helpless to do anything about it.
At least this time I had the courage to seek out help before it got too bad. I'm on antidepressants. However, I'm sleeping less and less. Last night I only slept five hours. I think it's time to go off the antidepressants. Mania will soon be around the corner if I don't do anything about it. I have to be vigilant when it comes to my own care. I may not be a zombie anymore, but I don't want to become a different kind of monster, either.
About the Author: Cristina C. Fender, 34, is rapidly becoming an expert on Bipolar Disorder. She has been researching Bipolar Disorder and blogging about her own experiences for several years. At age 21 she was diagnosed with depression and saw psychiatrists for over ten years before she was correctly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I. Her vision for writing at Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar is to inform and educate the public about mental illness. Feel free to Email Cristina a comment or a question.Share Your Own Bipolar Story. Click here to Subscribe in a Reader.
© 2009 Cristina C. Fender
