A Dark Place
I cradled my dad's boots in my hands. As I stroked the leather I began to cry in earnest. I was unable to let go of the tears that wracked my body. I curled up on my bed.
I began to think about my current situation. I'm in the throes of depression. It crept over my soul quietly day by day until I couldn't dislodge it anymore. I thought the grief that overwhelmed me could be quieted, but instead it triggered a Bipolar phase of depression.
I wept that I was once again in a dark place. Thoughts of ending it all entered my head. I looked up and saw a picture of my daughter and I scattered the bad thoughts quickly. I had much to live for.
My days have been filled with sleep. Depression brings fatigue that is undeniable. Only today I've finally been able to open my blinds and appreciate the sunshine. I can't say that it's over, but I think that I've turned a corner. Soon the days of lounging in my bed will be a distant memory.
I continue to grieve the loss of my father, but it's getting easier. He won't be back. The memories that I have of him are all I have left. I know that I will miss him terribly this Christmas, but I will get better. Thank god for Pristiq and thank god for my advanced psychiatric practice nurse.
About the Author: Cristina C. Fender, 34, is rapidly becoming an expert on Bipolar Disorder. She has been researching Bipolar Disorder and blogging about her own experiences for several years. At age 21 she was diagnosed with depression and saw psychiatrists for over ten years before she was correctly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder I. Her vision for writing at Raw Writing for the Real World of Bipolar is to inform and educate the public about mental illness. Feel free to Email Cristina a comment or a question.Click here to Subscribe in a Reader.
© 2009 Cristina C. Fender
