Life is a Journey...

I've climbed mountains and walked through valleys in my lifetime. Some days are good, some days are bad. Faith in my own strength keeps me going and the love of my family. I welcome you to my journey.

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Anxiety Looms Again Over Dad

My father's mortality is looming and I'm close to slipping off the edge. He has a tumor the size of a grapefruit in his stomach that is pressing on his spleen and his intestines. It must be surgically removed tomorrow.

I've alternated between extreme sadness, worry and anxiety. I think I'm going to lose my father sooner than expected. I was so upset today that I had to take a Xanax. I tried to talk myself out my anxiety by giving myself speeches like 'you can do this' and 'I believe in you', but it just didn't work today.

The anxiety was stuck in my chest like a heavy roped knot. Part of the reason that I'm so anxious is that I can not be there for my father. He lives six hours away. We've had car trouble this week and I don't believe it's fixed yet. The temperature gauge is reading hot when we run the car. I don't think it'll make it to where I need to go.

Thank you for all the comments about my dad. It's comforting to know that there are friends I can count on.

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© 2009 Cristina Fender

7 Comments:

  1. Anonymous said...
     

    I hope you can keep busy tomorrow and not worry too much about Dad. Best wishes for him.

  2. Unknown said...
     

    I'm so sorry you're going through this. {hugs}

  3. Just Be Real said...
     

    Dear one, I am sorry about your father. I can only pray for comfort for him and you as you continue through this present trial. I pray that your car will be able to carry you when you need to.

    ((((Cristina))))

  4. Laura said...
     

    I'm so sorry that you're going through such terrible anxiety. I can remember how awful I felt when my father was so sick. It's hard to cope when a parent becomes ill.

  5. Anonymous said...
     

    Sorry i've been MIA.. i've been "not doing great" . I'm sorry to hear about your dad and very sorry you can't be there..

    Sometimes the pep talks don't work. Sometimes they are not enough. Don't beat yourself up over it.. Thats why they make the meds..

  6. Marsha said...
     

    So sorry about your dad. When the "speeches" don't work, it's the comfort and support of friends that calm us down.

    Marsha

  7. Anonymous said...
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